A Weekend with Austin

I have two adorable little boys. They really are good kids, but they are exhausting! So here is a little peek into life with my middle child (my eldest son). He'll be 5 next month - a bright boy if I do say so myself (yeah, yeah - I'm a little partial) and full of drama! I just know he'll be on stage someday.

Saturday morning my three year old comes running into our room, crying and babbling. The only word I can make out is "Austin". Right behind him comes Austin, saying over and over again "I said I was sorry, Jesse!" This is my first clue that he did something that probably is not an accident. My daughter does the same thing when she does something to Austin and is trying to keep him from telling us.

I finally get Austin to tell us that he "accidently" knocked Jesse over. As he says this Jesse starts going crazy again. He has a ticked off look on his face as he says something over and over again. Once again all I understand it "Austin" but his gesture is clear. He looks like he is hitting himself in the neck with his arm. Jesse has a habit of tattling on his brother, but is usually so upset that he can't talk clearly. So he proceeds to demonstrate on himself what Austin did to him. I think he usually inflicts more harm upon himself with his demonstrations than Austin ever does.

I look at Austin - "So, you hit Jesse in the neck with your arm and knocked him down? And you say it was an accident?"

Austin looks at me for a moment and I see the wheels spinning in his head - how can he get himself out of this one. Finally he looks at me, sighs deeply and then turns around and walks out of our room. As he leaves I hear a dejected mutter, "Fine, I'll just go put myself in my room now then."

I wish they were always that easy to punish!

Then on Sunday we were in Target, shopping for school supplies when all of a suddent Austin very loudly announces - "Oh no Mommy! I have to go poop REALLY bad!"

In the past I would have been mortified, especially when I noticed the couple near me start giggling. But this is just pretty much normal for Austin. I tell people that he has no volume control, no on/off switch and no filter between his brain and mouth. We are working on installing these things but it is a very lengthy and arduous process.

Since I know he has a tendency toward dramatics as well, I calmly ask him if he really has to go right this instance or if it can wait until we get checked out.

He looks at me for a moment, rolls his eyes up like he is thinking and then says "Yes, I have to go right . . . oh wait a minute mommy." (pauses while reaching back and touching his bottom) "Yep, my poop went back in, we're all good to go now Mommy."

At this the couple beside me can no longer hold back and they both double over in laughter. I just smile and push my cart on to the next item on our list.

Then later that night (Warning: this might be TMI for those with a sensitive stomach!) he walks in and announces to my husband and I that he has finally learned to wipe his bottom all by himself.

"Great job Austin" we tell him.

"Yep, I only use three squares and then I use my finger to check to make sure I have it all."

I looked at him for a moment and then asked, "You use your finger to check your bottom?"

"Yep!"

"Okay, Austin. We're not going to do that anymore. Don't touch your bottom with your finger. Use another piece of toilet paper to check, okay?"

"Okay"

Then I had to ask - "Um, do you wash your hands after that?"

"Yep! Oh. . . um, I mean nope! I don't!" He smiles at me.

"Okay, so from now on please use four pieces of toilet paper, don't touch your bottom with your bare hands and please always wash your hands afterwards, ok?"

"Ok, mommy!"

Ughh! Boys!!!!!